is that there is just never enough. Another step we are taking to prayerfully offset the cost of this adoption is to apply for grants. There are many out there. Finding the one that fits our particular situation is a lot of work. I've spent hours into the night researching which grants apply to our family, the requirements for applying and what our odds might be of receiving a gift from each organization. I've narrowed down to 7 that I feel like we might stand a chance and that might be worth the time.
While I originally thought that finding the grants would be the most challenging part I've quickly realized that getting each one completed will be the hardest and most time-consuming task. Each one of these grant opportunities has a very extensive application process. To apply one must become very transparent in living. We will be looked at financially, spiritually, educationally, relationally. It is a very big process that sometimes makes me feel very critical of our family because I start to try to imagine how we will look to a group of people that we are trying to convince to give us money. It is exhausting. Add to that all this paperwork and information gathering is on top of what needs to be completed for our adoption agency. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed. Towards the beginning of this process I was venting to a friend about how I felt like every time I felt like I had everything in order and lined up to move forward, I found out there was some step I missed or wasn't told about. She told me to hang in there. She said that she had a feeling that this process was designed to weed out those not truly committed and that international adoption certainly wasn't for the weak at heart. She was so right.
Each stack has the application under it and a checklist of all that has to be
submitted with the application on top.
Whew! Tired just looking at it.
A struggle I've been having lately is a guilty mind. When I fall tired into bed after putting a four year old, 8 month old and 1 month old to bed I feel so guilty if I didn't accomplish anything towards the adoption. I start to think about how that is just one more day that our baby is spending in the orphanage. I fear that if I was really committed to bringing him home then I would have to just sit down and fill out all this stuff until my arm fell of and it was done. To combat this I'm continually reminding myself that God is orchestrating my days. He is lining out exactly what will get accomplished when and in what time frame. Each day lost or each day that if full of steps forward is designed to line us up with exactly the child God has ready for our family. I pray that the time moves quickly. That for his sake I can complete the work I need to do to get him here. But if it takes longer than I hope, I have to trust that there is a devine plan for that too.
When reading another woman's blog about waiting for her international son, a quote she made stuck out to me.
"We are concerned with time. God is concerned with timing."His timing is perfect. I will fill out 20 more grant applications if that's what we need to do to be able to afford to bring our son to us. I will also trust that each day God is watching over him and preparing him for our family and us for him.
I'll also be looking into bulk paper suppliers and maybe one of those carpal tunnel wraps for my hand. : )