The Referral

Fifteen very long months after we anxiously mailed our dossier to our adoption agency, the moment we've been waiting for has happened.

We've seen our son!

He is perfection. He is a gift. He is mine.

A momma knows, doesn't she? When we look at that line on the pregnancy test. And then the fuzzy skeletal outline from the sonogram pictures. And the moment the doctor places the stretched out wriggling baby in our arms. THIS child is mine. That's what this e-mail was for me and in some ways more. I waited so long and dreamed day after day and pleaded and prayed for the little boy across the world experiencing trauma and loss and fear. I ache that he had to go through that but know that without it we would not meet. And that would not be God's plan. His plan is for the wide-eyed, chubby-fingered, short-legged little boy in the picture I carry with me everywhere to be mine.

I wish I could share him now but it is not time yet. We still have to pass court in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. But I promise you he is the cutest. Seriously.

This journey has been so hard. Much more emotional and draining than I could have guessed. If I had known then what I've lived now I wonder if I would have had the courage to obey as we did then. Obedience is so hard. What seems clear one day is hazy the next. Adoption has been that way for me too. Both our domestic and international adoptions have stretched me. I've had to sacrifice so much of what I thought I wanted or even more so, deserved, to answer the call. But, I can also honestly say that there has been a new kind of joy found in that obedience. I see joy in recognizing God's hand in building our family despite my desperate attempts to do it on my own. I see joy in unabashedly loving a little girl with crazy curly hair and a passion for dance, reading, and her sisters, despite the fear of losing her one day. And I see joy in watching God's hand in this Congo adoption. As the funds have been raised, and people have stepped forward in faith to support us, and as God has shown us continually that we are on the right path. 

"I think a lot of us have a very limited concept of joy -- we tie it to what makes us feel happy. But real joy goes even deeper, and it's not always found in obvious places. Instead, it hides in corners, waiting to be discovered when we sacrifice our desires for God's desires." C. Thomas Davis
 

I'm still learning about this type of joy. One that is settled and deep and a part of who I am, and not a joy that can be blown away by one negative moment in a day. More than the joy of  what the world tells me should make me happy, but a joy so rooted in God's will for my life that it cannot be shook. I have no doubt that my little boy in the picture I clasp will have so much to teach me about joy. And, I pray that as we experience the joy of raising him that we are able to heal his broken heart and the wounds of a year of pain and show him the joy that can be found in Christ's beautiful plan for him as well.

We continue to covet your prayers as we are so far from done with this adventure. The hardest wait is just begun. The wait where every day my son gets one day older without me. Oh, sweet little boy, we're coming for you!